Joanna Bourne, author of The Spymaster’s Lady, does not have much of a web presence. But she does have a blog, and she’s posted a most useful writing class, the beginning of a series.
Word choice: Superfluous ‘that’s’.
At the polishing stage of the redraft, do a search on ‘that’. Every time a sentence reads fine without ‘that’, pull it out.
Not – It is clear that Joanie dunks donuts.
But — It is clear Joanie dunks donuts.
Or better … Clearly, Joanie dunks donuts, which frees the predicate from the verb ‘to be’, which is nearly always an improvement.
If you care about the employment and deployment of language in your writing, head over and read. She gives great examples–I can’t learn without examples–and you are definitely learning from a master here. And even if you already know how to structure a sentence for maximum clarity, efficiency, and impact, you should still head over and read. It never hurts to review what you know.
(I would love to be able to give similar lessons, but I don’t know a predicate from a syndicate and judging by my desperate word-stripping during the page proof phase of Delicious, I still use far, far too many words.)