A Blast from the Past

I was cleaning out my utility room last night and discovered a shoulder bag that probably hadn’t been opened in seven years, because inside were the things I brought back from the San Antonio Romance Writers’ 2003 Merritt Conference. The Merritt is a great little conference.  We Austinites drive down in the morning, have fun, and drive back in the evening.  The first time I attended, I was eight-month pregnant, and went in author Kathleen O’Reilly’s maternity suit.   The last time I attended Lisa Kleypas was the luncheon speaker–back when she still lived in Central Texas–and she was drop-dead gorgeous.  I told her she looked like Natalie Portman’s slightly older sister.

I digress.

Among those things I brought back were a little Embassy Suites Hotel notepad with a few lines jotted down.  At first I thought it might be something I was writing.  But no, it was a parody.  In 2002 I’d won the All About Romance Purple Prose Parody contest with a spoof on historical romance clichés.  I must have been trying my hand at a new one, this time a spoof of overused contemporary chestnuts.

Here it is, in all its bromidic glory:

“Oh, Rod,” Innocence whispered, “oh Rod, I can’t believe I’m back in your arms again.  Ever since you blasted out of town in your battered Chevy ten years ago after our high school graduation, I’ve been waiting for you to come back.”

“Yeah.  I heard from Mrs. Anderson at the grocery store how you always go from the class you teach at the nursery school straight home every evening–and stay there.”

“I’ve never gone on a date since.”

“Your Aunt Florie told me that.  And your best friend Betsy let me know how you still cry every time you get your period because you wish you were carrying my baby instead.”

Hee.  I guess you can tell I’m in favor of a woman having a life, especially in the absence of some bastard who just chucked her.  🙂